Sunday, June 13, 2010

Lessons for a first time mother

I can't believe the little man is 1 month old today. How time flies. While in most ways it doesn't seem that long since he was born, we have learned so much from each other in the time he's been here. One of the biggest things that I have discovered is that no matter how much planning you do, things will often not work out the way you want them to. And even more importantly, even if things don't go the way you want them to, you can still be a wonderful parent and in the long run have a happy, healthy baby. Learning that Kody is lactose intolerant and would not be able to breastfeed without having constant diarrhea taught me that. I was bound and determined to breastfeed knowing it's a great boost to his immune system and a heck of a lot cheaper than formula. Even when he refused to latch, I still pumped and fed it to him. But he was miserable. I talked to his Dr. about me going on a lactose free diet, only to learn that breastmilk naturally contains lactose even without it in my diet, so it would not help any. It opened my eyes to realizing that you can read all the books to find out the "perfect" way to raise your child, but when things don't go according to plan, you can either feel guilty that you are not doing what the "experts" say is best, or you can make the most of it and see that no one can tell you what's best for your child because every parent and every child is different. While I loved the few weeks I had in bonding through breastfeeding, seeing Kody miserable after every feeding just broke my heart. He is getting whats best for him and is actually gaining weight now.
He has also taught me an incredible love that I always knew existed between a parent and child, but is so awesome to actually experience. It's not a fuzzy kind of love like I imagined, although that's there too. But, it's the kind of love that makes me long to see him after being in the ER for 10 hours. One that when I hear him crying in pain cause his tummy hurts so bad that I cry with him. Its amazing how this little person can wrap themselves so well into your heart and life after such a short time. I am so thankful God gave me the chance to be a mother. Other than the gift of salvation, it's the greatest gift I've been given.

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