Merry Christmas!!!!

So, we told everyone we know that our ultrasound is the week after Christmas, however, we decided it would be fun to surprise our parents for Christmas with the baby's gender. So we had our ultrasound on the 22nd and we're having a little boy!

Everything on the ultrasound looked great. He looks perfectly healthy and the tech says he weighs about 10 oz right now. They weren't able to get a very good view of his heart, so the next time I have an appointment, they are gonna do another quick ultrasound to make sure that looks good too.

I'm almost halfway to my due date, and have finally started to feel him move. It's so funny, sometimes it surprises me when I'm doing stuff and I feel a tickle in my belly. =)

I suppose thats really all. Just wanted to share the good news!

OB appointment

Had my 1st OB appointment today. It was so hard to wait a whole month and not know anything. Wondering if everything was ok in there. I stopped my horomone medication completely about a week ago and was a little worried if that was going to have any affect on the baby, or if I had already lost the baby that would be why I didn't know. This whole pregnancy is a giant trusting God test. Sometimes I pass, and sometimes I fail. In fact, I imagine that from now on my life with my child is going to be one giant trusting God test.

So my appointment went well. The doctor was very nice (Thanks Crystal!) and even let us hear the heartbeat on the doppler before my exam cause Joel had to get to work as soon as he could. I decided, however, that someone in the office doesnt know how to count, or at least read my date wrong. The doctor said that so-and-so estimated I was about 7 weeks and would be due the middle of June... even if they calculated from LMP instead of fertilization date like they do with most pregnancies that would put me 12 weeks today instead of tomorrow. But he decided despite the fact that I told him my ultrasound in the beginning of October put me due 5/19 and that my physical exam showed that I was probably around there that he wanted an ultrasound as soon as they could fit me in to pinpoint the due date.

So I ended up getting an ultrasound this afternoon. HOLY COW! the baby is so much bigger in a little less than a month! Before it was just a big white area. Now I could see hands, feet, nose, cute little tummy! I am in love =) She had me cough a bit to see if it would move for me. I kind of bounced it around, but it was just content to lay there. No crazy stuff like I saw on one ultrasound where the baby would kick itself up and slide back down. But thats ok, I still think it was the cutest thing ive ever seen.

Keep praying for the baby, but thank God so far its doing great!

Happy Baby!

This is the 1st time since my egg retrieval that I really feel like I can just relax and try to enjoy being pregnant. (Although knowing me I'll find something else to worry about =D)

We went for our follow up ultrasound this morning after all that hullaballoo last week. Even after the ultrasound last Wednesday showed a good picture of the baby and it's heartbeat, I still worried about the bleeding and the fact that the baby was 2 days behind in development. I know 2 days doesnt seem like a lot, but when you're only 7 weeks old, that could be significant.

So the ultrasound today was wonderful. The baby's heart rate was in the 170's (which is good for those who don't know) and it's measuring 7weeks 5days so it's caught up a day. =) The doctor said it was time to graduate us, meaning I'm gonna spend part of today looking at OBs to go to. I think I want to deliver at Banner Gateway cause thats where Crystal delivered Austin and it seemed really nice when we were there. So at least that will narrow down my choices.

As far as how I'm feeling, I'm actually quite well. I've been lucky that my morning sickness has so far been nothing but small bouts of mild nausea. Most of what I have is constant hunger - I feel starving 2-3 hours after I've eaten. (this is definitely joels child) and food aversion. The 2 don't go well together. Sometimes I'll cook something thinking it'll be fine and then as soon as the smell hits me, I want to barf. The only craving i really have is for dark meat chicken. The white meat actually is one of the things I don't really enjoy right now. Wierd.

It's still hard to believe that I have a little person growing inside. It's crazy and amazing (and a little creepy when you think about it). I thank God every day for giving us our miracle. Thank you all who have been praying for us and asking how we are doing. It has been such a help and a blessing.

pretty big bump in the road

So yesterday morning I had some slight bleeding and was of course concerned so I called my doctor. She said it was probably just from the medication I was taking so she told me to stop taking the aspirin and call if i had any heavier bleeding or cramping.

When I woke up this morning early to use the bathroom there was a fair amount more of blood so I called again and they scheduled me to come in for my ultrasound today instead of tomorrow.

I went in at 1030 and she said there was no active bleeding and she couldn't necessarily tell why I would have been. They looked at the baby. There was 1 gestational sac. (essentially what the baby is carried in) meaning only 1 of the embryos implanted. It took her a while to see the yolk sac (baby's nutrition before the circulatory system forms) and we saw what she thought could be and I thought was a heartbeat. But, there wasnt specifically a fetal pole (essentially the baby itself) so she couldn't confirm that it was really a heartbeat. Possibility it was just ultrasound movement or something, although i thought it looked too rhythmic to be not a heartbeat.

So. My baby needs lots of prayer. As much as you can muster. I go in next tuesday the 6th for a follow up ultrasound and things should have changed enough to know whether this is a viable pregnancy. I'll be devistated if we lose this baby. and I'm not sure how easy it would be (or financially feasible) to go through this again.

God Is Good!!!!!

This last week has been about as nervewracking as the time that I took my nursing license exam. But God is faithful and we found out yesterday that I'm pregnant! My lovely best friend Amy spent the day with me, which is good because otherwise I would've probably ended up clinging to the ceiling fan or something. I had my blood drawn at 830 and they told me that they would call later that day and if it wasnt before 430 to call them. Well, 430 rolled around and no news so I called and was told that the docs were running late, and I was on the list to call, but it probably wouldn't be until 5 or 530. So my doctor finally called at 520 with the good news.

I have to go get another HCG level (aka pregnancy test) on friday and they expect by then that the level will double. And I'm guessing in about 2 weeks I'll go in for an ultrasound and they'll see how many embryos there are. =)

I'm not sure that this has actually sunk in yet. Im sure it might still be another few weeks. Thank you all for all your prayers. This baby(ies) is our miracle from God. We're obviously still early in the pregnancy so we still have a long way to go, but God has brought us this far and we believe he's got some great plans for our kiddos. Keep praying for a good pregnancy/healthy baby(ies)!

Waiting

Well from here it's just a waiting game. We will find out hopefully on Wednesday if I'm pregnant or not. They did the implantation on Monday and everything went smoothly. They gave us pictures of the ones they implanted. =) Its pretty amazing.

Ive had a few people ask me if Ive had any pregnancy symptoms yet. I dont think i really have. What I have felt thats different could be I suppose, or it could be attributed to the meds or the procedure itself. No morning sickness though, which seeing how a woman wouldn't be at the point of taking a pregnancy test yet if this was all done naturally, is probably not to be expected.

Who knows? Ive been overanalyzing the last few days. Been at home pretty much since Monday, so I'm going stir crazy and really looking forward to going to work the next couple days to get my mind off of things.

I guess that's it for now. Just keep waiting and praying. I would ask though that on Wednesday I don't get a bajillion people calling/writing, etc as to whether its positive or not. I have no idea what time I'll find out, and if it's not good news, I dont know how up to talking I'll be.

Egg retrieval

Not a long update but a pretty important one. Our egg retrieval went wonderfully! I had no problem with the surgery.  And I think the doctors were pretty impressed. They got a total of 13-16 eggs (depending on whether you ask Joel or the nurse) and we were told 8 of them were mature (meaning that they are ready to be fertilized) and that they would let us know today how many were fertilized.  Soooo, I got a call at work this afternoon and found out that there were actually 12 mature eggs and 11 of them fertilized!!! Of course they still have a few days to watch them and just because they are fertilized doesnt mean that they will all survive the next few days, but I'm praying for my 11 babies (I know it's a completely rediculous idea) that God would protect them and help them to grow well. Obviously i dont want to have 11 children but having 11 fertilized means there should be a good number that develop well in the next few days. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers!

Important dates

We're down to the last few days here. It's hard for me to believe that this is it. After trying for so long and lots of dr's appointments it all boils down to the next week. I go in tomorrow for the egg retrieval. Today is the 1st day I get a break from meds. Then tomorrow it all starts up again. No more shots thank goodness, but there are still a lot of meds and 2 or 3 of them I have to continue for anywhere up to 12 weeks! With how important the shots were (and i managed to do that all like i was supposed to!) this is going to be more important because they support my early pregnancy horomones to keep the baby attatched like it should be until the placenta is developed enough to take over.

We will be able to know right away tomorrow how many eggs they were able to get, but I wont know until Thursday how many of them fertilized ok. Then on Monday they will do the implantation, we will be implanting 2 and after that we will wait about 2 weeks and I will go in for a blood pregnancy test.

We would love it if you all could be praying especially in the next week to 2 weeks for this. Pray that our embryos develop well and that there is no issues with the implantation so God will give us at least one, if not 2 healthy babies!

~Joel and Robyn

So close now!

So we had our teaching visit a week ago. I think anyway. The last week or two is kind of a blur since it's been so busy. I then started my hormone shots this last Saturday.

I have to give myself injections every night. It's not too bad seeing that I'm a nurse and I have plenty of experience, but the 1st day was still a little freaky for me. I have to take them between 6 and 8pm, which is hard when I'm at work because between 6 and 7 I'm doing my last assessments and then keeping up on charting. Then from 7 to 730 is when report to night shift happens, so I had to make every effort to have all my charting done and give a concise, but thorough report so i can give my shot before i leave to head home. I was also quite nervous about making sure the dose was right and that i didnt waste a drop because it's rediculously expensive medication!

The plan is for me to go in almost every day this week to have blood drawn and an ultrasound to see how things are going. The horomones are supposed to increase the number of places that the embryo(s) can implant, so they are wanting to see how many there are and how the eggs are maturing to know when to retrieve them.

They said somewhere between 7-10 days from when I start my shots they will be doing the egg retrieval and will fertilize them the same day. Then they will be watched for 5 days and then they will implant them. Unfortunately after that I just have to wait and eventually they'll do a pregnancy test to see if they took.

The statistics say that there's 65% live birth rate for women doing in vitro under 35 years old, but we believe wholeheartedly that this is what God wants us to do, and with God the statistics are 100% His will! We definitely thank you all who are praying and ask that you continue to pray for the doctors and nurses helping us and that I don't have problems with giving the meds.

A month away

Not sure where to start with this post. I guess I'll start with an update with the process itself. We've finished all the testing. The dates I was given for the egg retrieval and implantation are the week of August 9th. I'm scheduled at the end of this month to have surgery for a polyp removal. Not a big deal, they just want to make sure it wouldn't interfere with the embryo implantation.

I'm a little nervous. Mostly because there's a lot of prep work. I have to start on birth control pills (I know, it seems strange, but they need to be able to regulate my cycle), as well as doing horomone shots and then needing to get blood drawn to make sure all the levels are where they need them to be. I'm terrible about taking pills. I do fine when I give them to patients, but for myself, I always end up taking them late or forgetting them completely. So I'm hoping the motivation of a child and spending a lot of money will help me remember. =)

So emotionally, things have been a roller coaster for me. There've been a lot of "why's", and  plenty of fighting with God. Despite how many positive things have happened with this whole process, I've still had doubts about God's will, struggling with wanting God's will instead of mine, and whether questions that I ask Him are answered by Him, or my head. Also, I'm often frustrated when I'm not answered at all.

In fact, there have been times where I've had fleeting thoughts and doubted my faith and God all together. That's something I've not had since I was a teenager. 

Yesterday Joel and I went to a concert called "Scream the Prayer". There were about 8-10 Hardcore/Metal bands that played. Now I know only a select few of my friends enjoy that type of music, but regardless of whether or not the music is something you like, they all have an unbelievable heart for God. One of these bands, Sleeping Giant, has an unbelievable presence. It's really like a church service. An incredibly awesome, loud church service.

 Anyway, every show they have they always say that if anyone needs prayer for anything, to come see them when their set is done. I had gone out to the back where the merch tables were and when I saw Thom, the vocalist, I really felt pushed to go have him pray with me. That was pretty difficult. I'm the kind of person who likes to take care of others, pray for others, and I wanted to say that those other people that want to talk to him need prayer more than I do probably, so I don't want to take up their time. But that push just wouldn't go away. So I went and asked if he'd pray for me.

Let me just say that these guys are amazing. They are so blessed and filled with the Holy Spirit. Just completely on fire for God. There have been times at multiple shows that God has used them to physically heal people. (even an occasional mosh pit injury) But the point being, that I didn't know exactly what I needed to pray for. I just knew that this whole situation was really burning me. I told Thom about our situation, and told him that I just could not get over why this was happening, and that I was struggling spiritually. He brought the band's guitarist over and they began to pray. When I prayed with them, they prayed for exactly what I needed prayer for. And I didn't even know it. 

I struggled with a bit of depression when I was a teenager, and for the past 5-6 years, have been much better. But one thing that Thom said while he was praying that just clicked and made sense was that he saw a demon called Disappointment that was just gnawing at my back. And he prayed that it would be gone. I realized then how true that was. I have taken so many little things in my life and let the disappointment of how they have gone (or not gone) and let it eat away at me. Not to the point that I'm depressed and don't want to be here, but that I have become apathetic. I have not had any real goals in life lately, other than becoming a mom, then when that hasn't worked out, it just got me tied up spiritually and mentally. 

When they finished praying, I felt a huge weight off me. And although it's only been 1 day, I've felt like a new person. For the 1st time I completely feel ok with whatever God has for me. Whether in vitro works or not. When I prayed, I often would just get out what I wanted to say to God instead of listening to Him, afraid of what He would say.  Afraid of being disappointed by what His answer would be. But now, I have new meaning. Not just being a mom (which I am  still hoping for) but being a child of God. Becoming a revolutionary for His name and His kingdom. But that's a whole other topic. =)

So please continue to pray. While that prayer was a huge healing for me, we need continual prayer, and with the procedures coming up on us fast, we need your prayer for that and whatever God's will would be. 

From the beginning

Joel and I decided to start trying to have children almost 2 years ago. I wanted to be a mom almost right after we got married, but Joel was just not ready yet. We agreed that it would be best to wait until I was finished with college and we got to go on a nice vacation. So in July of 2007 we traveled to California for a week and decided that it was time to start a family. Unfortunately our plans didn't quite work out like we wanted them to. 

After a little more then a year of not getting pregnant. We started doing a fertility work up. It involved lots of blood draws (much to Joel's chagrin) and imaging tests and such. We found out I am ok, but apparently every part of Joel is ADHD and were thinking of other things besides the egg. 

So we have decided to go through with in vitro fertilization. We have an awesome fertility doctor. And God blessed us with a nice tax return to be able to afford this. The plan is to get a few more tests done and then begin the procedure in July. We are incredibly excited for what is to come. There will be lots of prep work for this so we pray that everything goes well. We'll keep you all updated through the process and hopefully through a pregnancy!

Oh and for all of you who are convinced that I will be having 8 babies, I can assure you there will be at most 2 and only more if God decides to split them at a later date. =D